I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
