I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
