Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
