Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
