I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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