she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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