Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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