It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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