somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
