Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
