I wish I could punch you in the face.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
