Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
