She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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