She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
