I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
