he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
