I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have aggressive nipples.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
