this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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