He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
