maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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