sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
