First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
