Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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