Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
