we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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