like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
