can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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