what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
