the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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