I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
