I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
