Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
