Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
