i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
