Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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