First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
