I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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