I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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