Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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