If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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