walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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