if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The struggles of a small town man whore
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
