i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
