Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
