I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
