Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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