doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You smell like a Billy Joel song
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
