yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
