I think my vagina is haunted
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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