Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
