ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Even my vagina gasped.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
