I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
