is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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