im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
