I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
