Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
