things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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