3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
