12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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