I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
