we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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