Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
