after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
