and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
