"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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