her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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