you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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