apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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