Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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