trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
