I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
