meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize