On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
