everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
