You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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