Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
