Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
