It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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