Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
