sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
