my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
