I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
