woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
