The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
