OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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