I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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