So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it's like iHOP with fire
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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