Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
