You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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