i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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