That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Vodka?
Forever.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
