the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
